Controversial owner of David ‘Big D’ Cheeseburger has caused controversy by claiming that all his sales staff must be allowed to return to work immediately, as they are key to the planet’s well being.

Cheeseburger, who is known industry-wide as the Big D, called a press conference to outline that “Doctors and Nurses may save peoples lives, but nothing beats the joy of a new client understanding the financial freedom that only trading retail FX can bring. Let’s open up the doors and put smiles on the faces of the oppressed who are on lockdown.”

Some of Mr Cheeseburgers earlier comments had drawn fire from the medical profession after he went ahead with his controversial advertising campaign ‘FX cures cancer’ under the firm’s now-defunct Krakatoa trading license.

Marjorie Schweppes, the Global Head of Inspiration and Open Air Thinking representing PR company Tuna Fandango, commented that ‘Mr Cheeseburger was well within his rights to call on the government to seriously consider their lockdown policy, as Mr Cheeseburger had made many large charitable donations to them’.

Hamilton Devereux

Beard enthusiast Hamilton Deveraux, is one of Frumptons leading niche coffee drinking journalists. Having crafted his career in gender-neutral politics, Hamilton brings the sword of truth to the Unreal News Network.