Immortal man Zebidiah Athanenium, has died just days before completing the free cash bonus on his Binary Options trading account. Originally thought to be born in the Garden Of Eden over 10,000 years ago, Zebidiah was persuaded to sign up for a risk-free $50 USD cash bonus.

Just days after ascending from the heavens, Zebidaih told close associates he was persuaded by the financial freedom that can only be achieved when trading binary options.

His account was held with BinaryBigBetzzzz, who pioneered advertising on ancient clay tablets, later to be made popular by Bible MVP Moses. Thought to be based in the ancient city of Sodom and Gommoragh, it has gone on to become the number one Binary Options brand in the Old Testament, sponsoring such events as crucifixion and using Pontius Pilot as a brand ambassador.

Zebidah previously often recalled how he first took the call from his charismatic account manager, the binary options sales titan Mephistopheles aka the father of lies, Lucifer, Moloch or his professional name the plain old Antichrist, who famously went on to become Director of Sales for Sheol and Hades.

He was persuaded to use the refer a friend program, where industry insiders claim he enlisted St Peter who had reportedly signed up a record 3500 lost souls who were trapped in spiritual limbo.

It is thought that Zebidiah traded for around 10000 years to get the $50 USD bonus, and to activate the one on one training with loud-mouthed market maven John Greenback.

A spokesman for Binary Big Betzzzz said ‘we are truly saddened by the loss of Zebediah. However, due to the terms and conditions, we do own his major organs which we do have the right to resell.’

Hamilton Devereux

Beard enthusiast Hamilton Deveraux, is one of Frumptons leading niche coffee drinking journalists. Having crafted his career in gender-neutral politics, Hamilton brings the sword of truth to the Unreal News Network.