Careers – Unreal News Network https://unrealnews.net We don't report the news, we make it up. Wed, 27 May 2020 15:13:26 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.3.14 https://unrealnews.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Unreal-News-Logo-150x150.png Careers – Unreal News Network https://unrealnews.net 32 32 177674655 The COVID-19 Kilos https://unrealnews.net/the-covid-19-kilos/ Sun, 17 May 2020 19:41:56 +0000 https://unrealnews.net/?p=3759 Casual Friday is turning into casual May, as ample-waisted workers are returning to Wow Super Trade from lockdown. Employees found that their pre-lockdown work attire no longer fitted after long lockdown lunches, leading to an obese workforce. Colin Beanbag, Head of Excel spreadsheets, said “I thought the lockdown would give me a chance to work [...]

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]]> 3759 Cake Calamity Leads to Termination of Sales Exec. https://unrealnews.net/cake-calamity-leads-to-termination-of-sales-exec/ Sun, 17 May 2020 11:19:24 +0000 https://unrealnews.net/?p=3742 Legendary Sales Manager of NoNameFX Kenny Willis has been sensationally fired in his first week back at the ‘sales furnace’ of NoNameFX. Some insiders are labelling Willis’ sales career being ‘Banana-brown-bread’. Willis, who colourfully outlines his NoNameFX achievements on his Linkedin profile as ‘a ballbusting overachiever’ learnt to how to bake in lockdown. An insider [...]

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]]> 3742 You Don’t Have to be Mad to Work Here, But it Helps! https://unrealnews.net/you-dont-have-to-be-mad-to-work-here-but-it-helps/ Fri, 15 May 2020 11:21:00 +0000 https://unrealnews.net/?p=3746 A recent Frumpton University study found that 98% of people who want to have a career in FX have massive psychological issues. It went further and added that most behavioural analysts would label the FX workplace to be riddled with ‘psychotic career climbers’. The study asked, “would you kill your colleague for career advancement?”. The [...]

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]]> 3746 Sales Department Recognized as Key Workers in COVID Crisis https://unrealnews.net/sales-department-recognized-as-key-workers-in-covid-crisis/ Fri, 08 May 2020 10:22:05 +0000 https://unrealnews.net/?p=3670 Controversial owner of NoNameFX David ‘Big D’ Cheeseburger has caused controversy by claiming that all his sales staff must be allowed to return to work immediately, as they are key to the planet's well being.

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]]> 3670 Blockchain Breaks Equality Barriers https://unrealnews.net/blockchain-breaks-equality-barriers/ Thu, 07 May 2020 12:58:00 +0000 https://unrealnews.net/?p=3752 The Blockchain industry smashed equality barriers by employing the first non-bearded man in the history of Cryptocurrency. 15-year-old Tarquin Briggs joins CrazyCoin on work experience placement for two weeks. Briggs has been given the challenge of ‘making our coffee roar’ according to the self-styled marketing maverick and appointed ‘Bad Boy of Crypto’ Quinton Baquette. When [...]

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