Legendary Sales Manager of NoNameFX Kenny Willis has been sensationally fired in his first week back at the ‘sales furnace’ of NoNameFX. Some insiders are labelling Willis’ sales career being ‘Banana-brown-bread’.

Willis, who colourfully outlines his NoNameFX achievements on his Linkedin profile as ‘a ballbusting overachiever’ learnt to how to bake in lockdown. An insider claimed that ‘After Kenny brought in the lockdown staple of new baking bores, lemon drizzle cake, the banana bread was seen as the final straw for the big wigs in their ivory towers’.

David Luncheonmeat, the lawyer acting for NoNameFX at the upcoming employment tribunal commented “Kenny drove the sales chariot for NoNameFX with absolute distinction. However, he would have lost all his machismo credibility with his peers. How could he act like the ‘Mr Big Bollocks’ placard he had on his desk, with cake crumbs around the sides of his mouth.”

Kenny, who affectionately made his peers address him as ‘an absolute fucking legend’ could according to Luncheonmeat have acted as a catalyst for mass firings, families on the streets, possibly even the end of days.

It is thought that the two strikes earned for Willis’s home prison patisserie, the NoNameFX head honchos were said to act in unison giving the ‘no way hombre’ and were not willing to risk a cake based collapse anytime soon.

Willis, who is famed for overreaching his KPI’s by 12% on three consecutive quarters, or what came to be known as ‘the glorious 12’ was unavailable for comment.

Hamilton Devereux

Beard enthusiast Hamilton Deveraux, is one of Frumptons leading niche coffee drinking journalists. Having crafted his career in gender-neutral politics, Hamilton brings the sword of truth to the Unreal News Network.