Hamilton Devereux – Unreal News Network

Expo Owner Wins Again!

Hamilton Devereux — Wed, 27 May 2020 16:32:58 +0000

There were no surprises at the Nick Knowles Arena in Frumpton tonight, as worldwide dignitaries gathered to announce the award for ‘World’s Biggest C*nt’. The air was moist with both perspiration and anticipation, the crowd cheered as Steve Blandface did a sensational double winning both the award for ‘World’s Biggest C*nt’ and the lifetime achievement [...]

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Webcast Magically Turns into Virtual Expo

Hamilton Devereux — Wed, 27 May 2020 15:06:24 +0000

Life really did imitate art in central Frumpton earlier today, when the FX Expo worlds very own Dorothy, shouted aloud, “it is not a webcast, it is not a webcast, it is not a webcast”. Just like in the Wizard of OZ, the webcast magically turned into a virtual expo. Dorothy Mantlepiece, the head of [...]

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The COVID-19 Kilos

Hamilton Devereux — Sun, 17 May 2020 19:41:56 +0000

Casual Friday is turning into casual May, as ample-waisted workers are returning to Wow Super Trade from lockdown. Employees found that their pre-lockdown work attire no longer fitted after long lockdown lunches, leading to an obese workforce. Colin Beanbag, Head of Excel spreadsheets, said “I thought the lockdown would give me a chance to work [...]

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Businessman Launches LP from Nan’s Spare Room

Hamilton Devereux — Sun, 17 May 2020 19:14:25 +0000

Local maverick agricultural businessman Darren Hobbs has opened a revolutionary liquidity provider which has ‘relationships’ with 15 tier-one banks and several Hedge Funds. Hobbs was quoted as saying “there’s enough bizniss an ting in FX. Let Hobbsy big it up some more”. When pressed on why some considered it unconventional to operate from his Grandmother’s [...]

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Cake Calamity Leads to Termination of Sales Exec.

Hamilton Devereux — Sun, 17 May 2020 11:19:24 +0000

Legendary Sales Manager of NoNameFX Kenny Willis has been sensationally fired in his first week back at the ‘sales furnace’ of NoNameFX. Some insiders are labelling Willis’ sales career being ‘Banana-brown-bread’. Willis, who colourfully outlines his NoNameFX achievements on his Linkedin profile as ‘a ballbusting overachiever’ learnt to how to bake in lockdown. An insider [...]

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You Don’t Have to be Mad to Work Here, But it Helps!

Hamilton Devereux — Fri, 15 May 2020 11:21:00 +0000

A recent Frumpton University study found that 98% of people who want to have a career in FX have massive psychological issues. It went further and added that most behavioural analysts would label the FX workplace to be riddled with ‘psychotic career climbers’. The study asked, “would you kill your colleague for career advancement?”. The [...]

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PR DISASTER: The Wrong T.Robinson Hired to Promote Swap Free Account

Hamilton Devereux — Fri, 08 May 2020 10:42:41 +0000

Executives were left open-mouthed after a staggering PR blunder for NoName FX which left them with a throbbing marketing munition waiting to explode! The well-known FX trading brand thought they had booked lovable hemp wearing TV archaeologist Tony Robinson, in their quest to ‘dig deep’ for new clients to promote their new Swap-Free FX trading [...]

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Immortal Man Dies Just Days Before Satisfying Bonus Criteria

Hamilton Devereux — Fri, 08 May 2020 10:36:06 +0000

Immortal man Zebidiah Athanenium, has died just days before completing the free cash bonus on his Binary Options trading account. Originally thought to be born in the Garden Of Eden over 10,000 years ago, Zebidiah was persuaded to sign up for a risk-free $50 USD cash bonus. Just days after ascending from the heavens, Zebidaih [...]

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Sales Department Recognized as Key Workers in COVID Crisis

Hamilton Devereux — Fri, 08 May 2020 10:22:05 +0000

Controversial owner of NoNameFX David ‘Big D’ Cheeseburger has caused controversy by claiming that all his sales staff must be allowed to return to work immediately, as they are key to the planet's well being.

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Blockchain Breaks Equality Barriers

Hamilton Devereux — Thu, 07 May 2020 12:58:00 +0000

The Blockchain industry smashed equality barriers by employing the first non-bearded man in the history of Cryptocurrency. 15-year-old Tarquin Briggs joins CrazyCoin on work experience placement for two weeks. Briggs has been given the challenge of ‘making our coffee roar’ according to the self-styled marketing maverick and appointed ‘Bad Boy of Crypto’ Quinton Baquette. When [...]

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